How to parenting is one of the toughest tasks for parents in today’s era where social media, electronic gadgets, and work culture have immensely influenced our children.
Being a parent, I have learned an overwhelming number of practical solutions and tips that helped me in improving my relationship with my children. What I feel is that good parenting involves a good relationship between a parent and his child and proper inculcation of morals and soft skills in the children.
I never hesitated to learn, search and adapt various new techniques and the tips that can improve my relationship with my children. Good parenting not only makes us ” best parents” for our children but also contribute to the society with a responsible citizen who respects women, respect his Nation and take forward the morals, culture, and tradition of India. The most important thing that parents should understand that both of the parents have an equal share in the responsibility of children. It’s not only about mother who has to take care of the children; the father should play an equal role.
Undoubtedly, all parents have good parenting skills but there comes a time when things go out of your hands due to the bad behavior of a child or your work pressure or other family issues. Don’t just feel demotivated because all you need to do is apply some of the tips and corrections to your behavior towards your kids and everything will gonna be fine! These tips will not only improve your relationship with your children but you will also see a positive change in your child’s behavior.
Here are few tips that helped me in raising my children and will help you too in learning effective parenting skills. Some of them are not quick and easy but if you do then consistently, they will prove to be fruitful in future.
Boost Your Child Self-Esteem-
- Parent’s words and actions develop a major portion of child self-esteem. So one has to be very careful when it comes to the self-esteem of a child! I always praise the accomplishments of my children in terms of sports or studies etc. There was a time when my younger son was not able to do well in studies. Being a mother I have never passed billeting comments on him that carries the potential to reduce his confidence level. I have never compared my younger son with my elder son like many parents do! As per my experience, I suggest you all choose your words very carefully, even if your children are making mistakes. Love them and teach them things very positively and politely. Always praise your children for doing excellent in studies or sports but at the same time teaching them the basic manners and discipline which includes how to behave at home, in front of others, in school etc.
Make Them Learn Discipline-
- Discipline is very necessary that help children choose their behavior and to learn self-control. Being a mother I have set up some house rules that have made my children clear what I am expecting from them and which rules are mandatory to follow including no TV unless they are not done with the homework, no hurtful teaching, no use of abusive words etc. I have made it clear to my children what exactly undesirable behavior is! Be consistent with what you are expecting from your children and yes don’t hit them for doing wrong; instead, sit and make them understand why discipline is important.
Make Time for Your Kids–
- I and my husband have set a special time on a regular basis which is dedicated to our children to have fun with them and to listen to their school stories and issues. In today’s fast-paced world it has become difficult for parents to take out time for family get together or to sit with their children but it is very important to balance work and personal life because if your kids don’t get proper attention that they are expecting from you, children can become notorious, start misbehaving in order to get noticed. I always try to spend more and more time with my children and I do take them out on weekends.I always used to send lunch box to my children and suddenly one day I thought of making it special for them by putting a note in the lunchbox which actually worked. My children were very happy and appreciated me. After that, I started making them feel special with new dishes and with some surprises in their lunch boxes.
Be a Role Model for Them–
- Kids usually get inspired by their parents, from their actions. The younger they are more clues they will take from you, therefore try not to fight or do anything inappropriate in front of your children. Show them the traits that you want to see in your children like friendliness, kindness, tolerance, and respect etc. Be a good role model for them to follow and not just the person with no tolerance and aggressive nature.
Manage Your Own Stress-
- As I was a working mother for me initially, it was very difficult to manage my stress effectively. So I tried Yoga, meditation and other exercises to keep my temper in control and to stay cool in front of my children so that they don’t get disturbed. What I feel is it is very important for parents to manage their stress. Make stress fact of life and the way of life.
- As time is changing the world is changing, kids and their preferences and behaviors are also changing. So parents need to become more flexible. Being a mother I have adapted so many new things to my parenting style to meet my child’s expectation. As a child grows your parenting style should also gradually change or grow in order to meet his age requirements. You cannot offer the same guidance to a 15-year-old child and 20 years old adult. Offer them with guidance, encouragement as per their age at the same time give them their Independence. Be flexible and go hand in hand with the modern world. One cannot put traditional parenting skills on the modern children.
- No matter if your child is an adult, or a teenager, loving them will never spoil them. All that matters is what you give them in the name of love. The child gets spoiled when you feed them with low expectations, material indulgence, clemency etc. but if you constantly feed them with hugs and random kisses, then these things can also make them feel protective and special. Make sure you spend time with them and listen to their issues seriously. Exhibiting such acts of love can activate good hormones in them such as prolactin and Oxytocin etc. which will make them feel calm and relaxed.
Work on the Husband-Wife Relationship-
- As per the studies, children belonging to low conflict families are the happiest and successful as compared to the high conflict families. Therefore make sure you have a healthy marriage life and you don’t raise any kind of issue in front of your children. Build a strong relationship with your spouse so that your children can get inspiration from you. Compliment your partner in front of your children, makes them feel special and don’t compare your marriage with other people’s marriages.
Make Them Learn Social Skills-
- Children these days don’t possess social skills. They have a mindset that being social means being active on social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. but they are lacking in the real-life social skills which parents can help in developing their children. Being a mother I have tried my best to inculcate social skills including sharing, cooperating, listening, making eye contact, respecting others, complimenting others, helping others, being polite with people, asking for help and offering help etc. If a child is adopting such social skills in his behavior, he will surely become a good son/ daughter, father/mother husband/wife and a responsible citizen.
Make Them Responsible–
- As per my experience of parenting the best way to make your child responsible is by giving him responsibilities around the house. Children who do more household work remain happier later on. Household responsibilities like helping in kitchen, setting up the room, dusting or helping father in the kitchen garden etc. help in bringing important life lessons of Corporation, hard work, duty, responsibility and much more. It becomes easy for them to adjust in their later life when they will become adults or will enter their professional or marriage life. So if you want to become a successful parent then make sure you indulge your children in the household chores.
- When a baby is born, there are hundred million brain cells in him that create thoughts and personalities and determines what the baby will become like. Such connections are sculpted through the experiences he faces. Give your child positive experiences and make him learn positive things like not hurting someone, following the path of honesty and to stay brave even in tough times etc. I always feed my children with positive thoughts and such positive experiences have created good connections in my child’s brain that he will carry for the rest of his life. Being a parent, I always taught my children about what is wrong and what is right and have always set up few limits for them. I have always been kind and form while teaching them such soft skills.
Look Behind Their Aggressive or Bad Behavior–
- I have noticed that there comes a point when your child break the rules you have made for him and start behaving badly with you or with other family members. In such situations, one should not react with aggression but should look behind the reason for that bad behavior. The very foremost thing behind a child’s misbehavior is that he is not able to control his emotions or anger. So, while you notice any kind of misbehavior or inappropriate disciplinary measures, ask your child about it and offer suggestions instead of bailing out at him.
Avoid Harsh Discipline-
- Never hit a child in any situation. I too have spanked my children but the situation got worst. So what I have learned from my experiences is that don’t use aggressive means on your children as it can make them more irritated and can cause aggression in them which will ultimately affect your relationship with your kids. Apply other means of love and care for bringing discipline in your child. Don’t shout at your child because there could be the possibility that your children is right and you are wrong. So always listen and understand your child’s perspective and feelings. Shouting on children can worsen the situation and also their behavior towards you. Therefore, don’t shout at them, unless it’s a matter of safety. See their positive behavior rather than negative things. The more you will scold them the more bad behavior they will repeat. If you will constantly scold them and make them feel inferior, a child will automatically start believing the fact that he is a bad child who gets scolded all the time and it will become a part of his identity soon.
Let Him Make Mistakes–
- While your child is building a tower using blocks and when it is about to crash, don’t just anxiously stop him in order to avoid the crash. Let him try, let him commit mistake and let him learn from his errors. Such kind of mistakes can help your child to know the cause and effect of a particular situation. Let him try and commit mistakes and learn from them. After a few rounds of trial and error, your child will automatically learn the best.
Proper Care of The Health–
- Make sure that you get your kids vaccinated properly and timely. I always keep an eye on my sons’ daily health habits like brushing the teeth twice a day and avoiding too much of junk food etc. I make sure that they are consuming a lot of water or fluids to keep body hydrated. I have always taught my children to keep in mind keep in mind that health is wealth while eating any kind of junk or street food.Last but not the least, Say I love you! Whenever you feel it just say it this is the cutest thing that you can do to make your children feel loved. Don’t just spoil the child with mushy words. When a child enters teenage phase, he prefers to stay with his friends rather than spending time with family. Teenagers are often unexpressive in terms of their desires, problems, and wishes with their family.Its parent’s duty to give them their space but at the same time, keep an eye on what your adult child is doing, to whom he is talking, how much social media he is using and always try to communicate with them because this is the most sensitive period of one’s life.
In my 18 years of parenting experience, I have faced 2 major issues. One was to let my teenage children know the pros and cons of social media and another was to help them in handling those annoying relatives.
When It Comes to Social Media & Youth
Social media and youth have become synonyms for each other as they go hand in hand now. Social media is basically the web-based applications for communication, like Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter, Instagram and much more. These names have created a boom in the current generation. Youngsters, teenagers are joining friend clubs, meeting new people, blogging, posting pictures, videos and much more.
Youth have started utilizing this platform for very productive purposes, for doing their business and much more. Making friends not from their own state or country but from any country has become easier for the people through popular sites like Facebook, twitter etc. This is considered as one of the best advantages of having social networking sites as you can know the people from all over the world.
Teenagers love to communicate and social media has made communication better in a better way by sharing photos, videos, and your experiences. Youth has used the platforms like LinkedIn to find the jobs of their interests. On the other hand, people are using social media very wisely to promote their business.
As the coin has two sides, the same way, Social media has positive as well as negative impacts on the youth. Youth are seen spending hours of time on these social networking sites, checking their multiple accounts which is eventually affecting their studies and work productivity. Furthermore, social media has brought evils like texting, cyberbullying, violation of privacy etc. with it. Not only these but spending long hours on these sites are making children prone to many physical and mental health issues. Therefore, it’s in parent’s hand to keep a check on what their children are doing on these social media platforms. Being a parent I have always tried to make my children understand the positive and negative aspects of the internet.
How I Helped My Child in Dealing With Those Annoying Relatives!
One of the biggest challenges for young generation is to deal with those annoying relatives. We all have some relatives in our families that make our children crazy with their actions, words or behavior. It could be a toxic mother-in-law, a scheming cousin, or annoying aunt who know how to push the buttons. But there are few things that can help your child to handle such people.
- Keep calm- The very best way to deal with any kind of situation is by keeping yourself calm. Even if you are getting irritated by that annoying relative, make sure that you breathe deeply to lower down your blood pressure. This will stop you from taking any wrong step out of frustration.
Taught your children to deal with the situation in a calm and rational way rather than offending the other person with rude behavior. Even if you are feeling bad about how they behaving with you, make sure that you don’t let them realize as it will make the situation worse.
- Accept the person- Another way to handle difficult relatives is by looking at the good aspects that will help you to accept them as they are. This is weirdly a very effective strategy that helped my child and will surely help yours too. I told my child to Look for the positive and think about his childhood time he had spent with her aunt.
Also, my son recognized the fact that if one person is annoying that doesn’t mean that you will destroy the entire family gathering. He started focusing on the positive and sunny side.
- It’s not about you- When it comes to family or relatives, children need to understand that it’s not about you. Mastering the delicate art of not taking it personally will help you to balance your and your family’s emotions.
- Don’t fall into the guilt trap- Relatives are known for Using guilt which is indeed an emotional abuse. They can manipulate us with their guilt trip of something that you did in past or May not have done at all.
Make sure your child doesn’t become a victim of their trap. If you feel they are manipulating your child in any way, confront them saying that you don’t like to talk about my child’s personal matters. Be direct and true to your child because it’s not mandatory that elders are always right.
- Hack the conversation- If everything fails, hack the conversation with your relative that’s annoying your child by turning the question. Force them to answer your question and or at least avoid answering to what they want to hear from your child.
At last, all you need to do is to make your children learn how to behave because when a person changes, a relationship changes! The greatest gift we can give someone is to accept them fully, and with love.
What made my parenting more difficult was, that I was a working lady who initially faced a lot of issues while balancing the professional and personal life, but gradually I learned to balance both the things with following tips. Hope these will help you too!
How I balanced my work and family
The urge to live a decent livelihood for the family, it had become mandatory for both the parents to work. But as the traditions go, mothers whether working or not have to look after the family and children as well. Hence, it has become a bit difficult for certain working mothers to balance their work as well as family. To eradicate this issue, I bring you some ways by which you can easily balance work and family. Read on to find out more-
- Make mornings easier- As both, the partners are working, it’s obvious to have manic mornings. So I always tried to clean up the things in the night so that the morning remains relaxing and less confusing. Make sure you also keep your kids’ uniform, your files and papers organized a night before.
- Communication- Another important thing in every relationship is communication. Be it your kid or your husband or mother-in-law etc. make sure that you tell what happened in your entire day. This will make your life and relationships easier to handle. I always shared my things with my children and I always listen to them about their school.
- Add spice to your home- This is one of the most required things to do to keep your relationships alive. Working ladies should keep in mind that their families also need their attention. So adding up different things to your daily monotonous routine like candles, flowers or sudden treats and outside dinners after a hectic day can bring the lost charm back to your lives.
- Find Childcare- If your baby is too small and you cannot spend the required time with him, make sure you find a reliable babysitter or a daycare center that can take care of your child when you will be busy at your workplace.
- Remove the guilt, if any-Usually mothers do feel guilty that they cannot spend quality time with their family which turns out to be frustration etc. Therefore, one must look at the positive side that the work she is doing is beneficial for the company as well as the family in terms of income and there should be no space for the guilt of the work she does.
- Leave work in the workplace- Another important thing that helped me and will surely help you as well is, never bring your work to your home. There is a line between your work and family space, always maintain that. Try to turn off email notifications when you are with your family. Also, if you bringing your work to your home make sure you don’t do it around your family while neglecting the important things like dinner etc.
I know you are committed enough to develop and adopt new skills to become a world-class parent because that’s why you have made it to the end of this 4000-word article which only committed and caring parent would do. If you’ll implement these in your daily routine you will become a better parent and you will gradually see your child becoming more motivated, happier and responsible and you won’t have to nag anymore but keep in mind this is a journey that will take time and effort but it will be worth the effort. So stay consistent!
Remember, there is no need to worry and feel stressed all the time when you can easily have a career-family balance. A good parent doesn’t have to be perfect and they should keep in mind that no child is perfect either. This will help you in setting up your expectations for your child. Be good enough to set yourself as a role model for your children. Last but not the least always strives hard to make decisions in interests of your children. The aforementioned things have helped me a lot in raising my children in a better way; hope they will help you too.
I am sure that these all-time favorite nuggets of advice will help you. Happy parenting!