Parenting is considered to be one of the toughest tasks and to do good parenting parents search online for various techniques, buy parenting books and look out for new ideas and ways. In the last few decades, immense change has been seen in child development, behavior and between child-parent relationships. Such changes have made it more difficult for the parents to handle their children, guide them about child discipline, especially in public places. Children tend to be very short tempered these days whether it’s about their increasing demands or unlikeness towards some relative or thing etc.
There comes a point in parenting when it becomes difficult for parents to handle their child’s indiscipline or aggressive nature but we need to understand that aggression is just a child’s way of expressing himself and his feelings when he is not able to find the right words to say. But you need to guide him that aggression or anger is not the ways to solve the problem. Teach him how to control his impulses and how to express his anger with words and not by hitting someone or behaving inappropriately. Anger is just a human emotion which is very natural and is very common among children these days but suppressing your child’s anger is not a right thing to do.
There are few techniques that are proven to be very helpful for me and will surely help you to in calming your child quickly. Tell your child to take a deep breath and to count to 10. Secondly, remove the child from the situation which is provoking him after that ask them about what they are feeling and why they are feeling. Take your child out for a moment to his favorite food spot or for a walk to bring him out of that situation and embrace him with all the love so that he can feel special and can assure that everything is completely fine.
We are living in the kind of society where everyone is very judgmental towards children towards and parents when a child behaves aggressively or create nonsense in a public place. People start judging parents for that which is not at all correct. We all go through this parenting phase and parenting issues. Therefore we have to be understanding and should not criticize or use harsh words or physical attacks on a child who is misbehaving publicly. No parent actually wants to deal this way with their child! Let him be angry. Your duty is just to teach them the right ways to express the anger.
As per the child psychologists and psychiatrist, there are dozens of things that parents can do to handle their child and to make him learn discipline. If you will consistently follow these steps just like I did, you will surely be able to develop your short-tempered child into a healthy and well-rounded little kid.
- Educate yourself–
- The foremost thing to do is to educate yourself, about anger and aggressive behavior. As per my experience, it’s very crucial for the parents to first learn and educate yourself about the anger which is a fighting motion which gets activated when we want to fight with someone or win something. There are three responses fight, flight, and freeze that kick in a nervous system and increase our heart rate. This big biological event can make your child out of control. Your child maybe behavior aggressively due to some humiliation or consistent enforcement rules or while they see injustice is being done to someone. There could be many reasons including the biological reasons like low blood sugar, tiredness, pains or hunger. Apart from this, it could be due to stress or anxiety issues like if parents are getting divorced or if the child is moving his school again and again. So these things can stress him and can make him behave aggressively so make sure that you learn about it and educate yourself and try to find out the reason behind. Also, make sure that you encourage your child timely because encouragement can fill up the child’s bucket and can improve your relationship with him and his relationship with other family members. Look for his strength, appreciates him and look forward to positive interactions with him in order to see his gentle side.
- Empathize him–
- A child behaving aggressively in public place with you or if he is hitting someone or using bad words then ask him “how would you feel if someone did the same thing to you?” Told your child to give it a thought if someone else has hit you or behaved in the same way, you would you get hurt or not! This way you can make a child understand how a bad behavior can affect someone else.
- Calming techniques–
- I have always taught my children how to calm down and not up, by doing calming exercises like deep breathing which is an easy technique for the young children to do and can diffuse angle quickly. My youngest son always uses this technique when he gets aggressive in public places. I have taught him how to place his hand on chest and then take deep breaths and he follows that technique everywhere because he was very short tempered but this technique is remarkably helping him. So I guess you should also teach your young children to do the same. Even when my child forgets to do and starts behaving aggressively, I always remind him by giving him a visual cue by placing my hand on the chest so that he gets the clue or reminder how to calm himself and step back from what’s bothering him.
- Unplug him-
It is believed that children who are more attracted towards TV screens or computer games have more violent behavior. So make sure if you are children behaves violently then try to unplug him from the social media devices and platforms and limit their exposure to TV and video games because whatever they see on TV, children act and try to solve things in the same way. Make sure you make your children read story books and make them watch the TV shows that promote kindness and good moral values.
- Help him out–
- Once the situation has calmed down and your child is back to his normal behavior, and then makes sure that you talk to him gently and ask about his concerns. Being a parent I have always ask my children what bothers them. I have assured them, I am always here to listen to them. So listening to children and teaching them how to manage their anger in public places is the last thing that one can do. Make sure you ask them about whether they were angry, sad, frightened or frustrated because these are different things that a child can go through and can express it using his anger.
- No tolerance policy–
- What I felt is that when I was behaving leniently with my children they took it for granted and that was the reason my children became more aggressive, demanding and spoiled. So there was a time when I realize that it’s high time that I have to make them understand that their aggressive behavior will not be tolerated at all. No matter it’s their home or a public place, I have made it my house rule that aggression is not acceptable at all.
- Don’t smack him publicly–
- If your child behaves aggressively in a public place then avoid smacking him or putting him in the heat of the moment because you may be expressing your own frustration but it can make a child become angrier so it’s better to manage your own anger. I make my children understand that this is a public place and not his home and whatever he is doing, is wrong and can hurt someone’s feelings. Kind words will have more impact on them rather than just hitting them or shouting at them.
- Punish them (rarely)-
- This point is contradictory to the above mentioned. But if situation gets out of your hand and your child starts throwing things at other people, so in such situations it becomes mandatory for parents to punish your child on the spot just to suppress them on the situation but make sure you make them understand while they get calm down that why it was necessary to scold them. Being a parent, still, I would suggest that try to avoid hitting or scolding your child to a greater extent, it may shut down a child’s emotion.
- Be the same parent–
- Honestly, I have seen parents who behave differently with the children at home and then at a grocery store. Don’t pressurize your child with over discipline when he is outside. Behave with him, in the same manner, you behave with him when you are at home. Don’t just bother about eyes watching you or judging you because it’s not those eyes that matter but it’s your child that matters. Don’t suppress yourself and your child under the peer pressure of those watchful eyes looking at you. Always choose your child.
- Lighten it up-
- Another way to calm your child’s anger in a public place is by lightning up the situation. Don’t be so serious if your angry child is not behaving properly, you can try to lighten him up with a joke or can make him eat his favorite ice cream on the condition that he has to behave properly. Don’t just escalate the situation by rolling out punishments because parents have the option of doing it once they reach your home.
- Somethings are in your hand–
- The main point I would like to highlight as a parent is when we are about to head to a public gathering or a party or to any public place, we are always in the very hurry at home. we are in hurry of dressing them, gathering things, making phone calls and rushing around here and there and by the time when we have reached the public place our little kid emotional balance has already been thrown off which will make him feel tensed and stressed. So make sure that you spend one on one time with the children to make him aware of where they are going, why they are going and just love them
When everything fails, love works, big hugs works. Just hug your child and rebuild the connection between you both and see what kind of miracle you can make with a simple hug. Last but not the least remember to stay in your box because if a child is behaving aggressively, it is not in your hand, it is in his hand to stop throwing things and to stop screaming. Remember that’s your child’s box, not yours, so it’s better that you control your actions in the heat of the moment. It’s ok if they are embarrassing you a little, it is completely fine.
Needless to say, your child’s temperament can be different from yours. You may be very cool-minded but your children may be very short tempered. So you have to respect these differences and you have to work around them because being a parent it is your responsibility and you cannot deny from that. Once you will become aware of the various new ways to respond then gradually you will be able to minimize your child’s friction levels. You can also send your child to anger management classes if you think his indiscipline and miss behavior is immensely hiking day by day. The Counselors and teachers or psychologists can help your child in learning new ways of controlling anger and about handling different situations.
Just treat them with love and everything will work your way and yes! If he is crying out of that anger you have to support the child and listen to them until they are done. This cry has the potential to change your day and your child’s too. Don’t worry you are not just alone! There are hundreds of parents who are facing the same issue and are coming out of it using various brainstorming techniques. As your child will grow you will be able to gain more patience and it will become easy for you to help your child in handling his or her anger. there may be a possibility that your child anger or explosiveness may get worse as they grow up so make sure in extreme situations you do consult a psychiatrist or psychologist so that you can get the reason behind why your child is destroying the things, physically attacking someone and is misbehaving repeatedly especially in public.